I'm going to state up front that I'm not a social anthropologist. I'm not even an anti-social anthropologist. There is probably empirical evidence out in the world of human study that refutes what I'm about to write, but here's my blanket generalization. Having been fat, thin and every pound in between I have noticed a definite difference in the way people interact with me.
Let me be the first, or the first on this blog anyway, to say that I judge people based on the way they look. I'm not proud of it, I know I shouldn't...but every time I see you I am likely sizing up what you're wearing, how your hair looks, whether you've gained or lost any weight. And those earrings! What were you thinking? You're thinking I'm terrible and wondering if I'm really that insecure. Ummmmm...yeah! I'm constantly measuring myself against you and most of the time finding myself wanting.
But here's the thing. I don't think I'm the only one doing it. Because when I'm fat I have very little problem with other women. When I'm thin I find them cooler, more aloof and not nearly as vulernable. Maybe it's because I put out a different vibe or maybe I'm seeing them through a different lens. Or maybe they just don't want their men looking at my fine booty. No really, it was fine once for about 30 minutes.
Men treat me differently depending on my weight too, but big surprise, right? At the end of my senior year in high school I dropped some weight, not realizing I'd developed a thyroid disease. Suddenly guys were coming out of the woodwork, even ones I'd wanted to date since sophomore year but who didn't feel "that way" about me. Too bad they had to destroy my thyroid with radiactive iodine. I could have skinnied my way through life. What's a little vomiting, sweating, shaking, insomnia, loose bowels and palpitations in exchange? As the years have gone on, I've determined that the magic weight at which I become invisible to men is 180. 179 and I get the up-and-down look, 180 and "POOF"! Gone.
Today Ian and I played tennis for 45 minutes and I walked for an hour. I am amazed at how supremely out of shape I am, until I realize that the extra weight I'm carrying is equivalent to Reid's entire body. Wow. So tomorrow is another day and I'll keep on keepin' on in the hopes that someday men will see me again and women will become bitchy. I can't wait.
1 comment:
I thought I'd leave a bitchy comment just so you know you're making progress, but I can't think of one. I guess it just has to come naturally, can't be forced. Maybe I weigh too much at the moment for those thoughts to get through!
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